A heart that will not quit

If you are in your mid twenties or older, chances are you have definitely been in a relationship before. Perhaps two or three or may be even several. They have ended for whatever reasons, but sometimes, there is that one person, no matter how hard one tries, that one cannot get over.

After my first book became a National best-seller, I started getting a large volume of mails, asking about relationship advice. A common theme that ran through most of them was unrequited love. Most people who wrote to me were very sensible in almost all areas of their life except when it came to one person.  The harder they tried to get over that person, the deeper they seem to fall for them. Loving somebody who does not reciprocate your feelings can be one of the most painful experiences of life. It can be heart breaking and can completely shatter one. More so, if you encounter that person every single day at the work-place or at college.

How does one get over that one person, who will never be yours, (for whatever reasons) and then move on?

Here is a five step plan which if followed is very likely to help.

1. Acceptance

The first would be to ask oneself if one really wants to move on. Have you accepted that this person and you are never going to have a relationship and you cannot even be friends? Have you decided that you truly want to get over them and move on with your life?

2. Axe the sentimentalism

If so, then one has to be ruthless, hard-hearted and determined. Remember, you are trying to reclaim your life. You do not want to keep checking out their photos on social networking sites. So block that person and delete all the old mails, chats, texts and any reminders of the past. The more you hold on to them, the harder it will be to get over the person.

3. Distract yourself

The moment you find your mind wandering to their thoughts and what they used to say, do and sound like, distract yourself quickly. Show a red light to your mind and ask it to STOP. Hit the gym, go for a walk, do something, but don’t think about that person.

4. Remind yourself that you are loved

Just because that person does not love you, it does not mean you are worthless and your life is going nowhere. Remind yourself of the people who love you—your best friends, your family. Spend more time with them and surround yourself with them. If you have had relationships before, then think of how you overcame them. If you did it once, you can surely do it again.
Also remember that there are new people waiting to enter your life. Just like we need to get rid of clutter to physically make space for something on a shelf, so too we need to clear out our minds, sometimes.

5. Drown yourself in a hobby or a passion

One is spoilt for choices when it comes to recreation these days. Take up your once forgotten hobby. Join a dance class. Go Para-sailing if that is what makes you happy. Do not wallow, trying to figure out why that person does not want you. Remind yourself that you are truly worth more than clinging to somebody who does not care in the same manner you do.

It may be hard to follow the above initially. But steel yourself and do not waver. Before you know it, you would have reclaimed your life.

Preeti Shenoy

Preeti Shenoy is an author and an artist based at Bangalore, India. Her first book ‘34 bubblegums and Candies’, a creative non-fiction made it to the national best-seller list. Her second book ‘Life is what you make it’ will be out soon. Her interests are as multifarious and diverse as her several academic degrees. She also specialises in pencil portraits and holds an internationally recognised qualification from UK in portraiture.  She has held a number of varied jobs in the past. She has written for different publications like Readers Digest and Times of India, as well as taught street children in India, English and Math. She loves art, reading, travelling, photography, nature, animals, blogging and basketball and most of all, spending time with her spouse and  two children. To know more about her log on to  http://preetishenoy.com. Read her blog at http://justamotheroftwo.blogspot.com/.

Image Source: [http://fc02.deviantart.com/fs12/i/2006/290/2/8/Broken_Heart_by_starry_eyedkid.jpg]