A Letter to God’s Meteorological Department

The God
Head of Department
Weather Wing, Chennai zone

The chairGOD
Lord of all wings
Kailash Parbat
Time: 12:30 pm IST

Dear God

Subject: Chennai Weather

I know you must be completely occupied with your December, 2012 plans but meanwhile, with due regards, I would sheepishly like to draw your attention towards the dismal weather scenario in Chennai. It’s the 2nd week of May and temperature is already soaring up to 44C. Sometimes, it feels that Equator’s epicenter is this place only and we are inside some kind of an unregulated oven. Humidity, BEWARE. Freaking 80%. It takes 20 minutes for the weather here to expose the brand of my baniyan (vests) I am wearing inside. Not only this, I have been sweating so badly that in the last few days I have tasted every salt my body has produced through the sweat and trust me it’s not NaCl( common salt), it taste way weird. About body odour, dude worst!!!! Guess what, if odour were visible, as color is, I’d see the summer garden in rainbow clouds.

God, as per my class 2nd Gulmohar books, there are 4 seasons. (World Meteorological Department later confirmed me as well). But it seems like you have completely forgotten about winter. About spring, don’t you even ask. People have even stopped expecting it here. Probably, the next generations of Chennai won’t even have the description of spring in their school-curriculum. Not fair god. It’s just summer and dreadful eternal summer here. And YOU MR. SIDNEY SHELDON, Nothing Last Forever, HUH, my foot. God, I am not accusing you but literally I feel that the sub ordinates to whom you have given the in-charge of Chennai zone are perhaps busy listening to Radio Mirchi 98.3 FM, “it’s hot” without realizing the fact that Chennai is turning way hotter.

Trust me god, the constant sweating while watching cricket matches (IPL season 4 these days) is exceptionally irritating. You just imagine how you will feel when this same sweating annoys you while you are watching the classy dance of Urvashi and other apsaras.

Dear god, I don’t want to hurt your sentiments. In fact, I am a big follower of yours. I appreciate the way you designed the whole Darwinian thing to take place cell by call, gene by gene, one by one. You also made dinosaurs extinct which I personally feel that you did the right thing. Do the same with the cockroaches. Least to mention, you made India win the WC and I know deep inside that when that winning six was struck, it was not Dhoni, it was you. (ok fine, enough of buttering).

But god, please please pleases, for god’s sake, take Chennai seriously. After all, it’s a metropolitan (according to article 738:1939). Till today, DOORDARSHAN includes Chennai while telling the chaar mahanagron ka taapmaan during National NEWS, then why don’t you include it in your priority list. God please don’t concentrate all the UVs of India over us only. Distribute them  to Bangalore and Pune as well.

Awaiting immediate response.

Truly yours (except in May)

Vineet Singh

Resident, Chennai

PS: That’s it, confirmed, I will go to hell.

Vineet Singh