All the Foodies in the World…


Food, the self-sacrificial delight, which was created by the Almighty for the sole purpose to feed the hunger-bred, starvation-stricken human race, has evolved along with the devourers’ evolution. It has witnessed the mankind grow and flourish and played a vital role for the same. It has saved lives, given pioneers/thinkers/believers a power to sustain and as mentioned above, is the cornerstone on which the civilization was built.

Among the people before whom food has been poised/shoved over the centuries, some share a few common but peculiar characteristics when it comes to their eating habits. I have attempted to make a distinction between them and have put them into different categories.

The first and the foremost is Its-a-routine-foodie. Intaker of food who falls in this category eats food for the same reason he wakes up, goes to the loo and drags about his daily work; in short he feeds himself because everyone else does the same. After him comes the In-Lowe-with-food-foodie. The love this one shares for food cannot simply be put into words. He calls it a platonic relationship and the only thing he wants to do before he dies is eat dear food voraciously for the last time. A foodie, very similar to the one just mentioned is Obsessive-foodie. This foodie is fanatical when it comes to food. He will miss a hot date; will stand in a queue for hours in sweltering heat and fight tooth and nail to get his favorite pizza. He will NOT share his food with anyone, as food is second to none in his life.

This high priority given to dear food on this earth brings us to the next category of foodie, which is Live-for-food-foodie. The sole purpose of this human being’s existence is to worry about food. He wakes up and wonders what he will have for breakfast. When he sets off to work he prays to God that it shall be the birthday of one of his colleagues so that he gets a treat and while he’s working he’s anxious about what he’s going order for lunch and worse, from where! When he’s driving back home he is unsure whether the fridge is stuffed or not, so he takes a dangerous U-turn and heads towards the grocery store. And when he finally lies down on his bed in the night, his appetite satiated and his refrigerator (over)stuffed, he smiles and plots the next day’s eating schedule.

All of the foodies I have mentioned until now were the ones that had reverence for food-dear-food. But there are some other loons too in this weird world who do not appreciate the greatness of food as much as the rest. Among these the foremost are Anorexics and Boulemics. An anorexic is a person who suffers from a disease named ‘Anorexia’. Generally models and young girls suffer from this disease. In this condition, a person eats food whenever he/she craves for it and then pukes it out, so that the calories don’t get a chance to stack up on the easy targets-thighs and the arms. The boulemics are individuals who simply don’t like to eat and don’t do that. The former condition is more dangerous because the chances of death are more in it. The boulemics have an art of pretending that they eat. They are connoisseurs at touching the brim of their coffee cups and marking their lipsticks on them as evidence.

Then there is Just-to-survive-foodie or rational foodie. This one will consume just the exact amount of calories that he needs to survive and will chuck off the rest. They eat just the things that are necessary and healthy. They never over-eat. They never under-eat. For them eating is some sort of a complex scientific process. They have a fixed diet, which a dietician has fixed for them and they adhere to it religiously. After the rationals, come the irrationals who may also be called Unpredictable-foodies. This is the category that is as confused about food as about everything else. The weirdoes who fall in this category don’t eat at all for days at a stretch and then eat like monsters in the following days. They don’t care a pebble about what they eat. They have no favorites when it comes to food and they don’t understand what the fuss is all about. Lost and confused as they are, they just eat when they are getting bored and don’t eat even when they haven’t eaten for days owing to their mood-swings.

Another very interesting category of foodies is out-of-love-foodie or just-fallen-in-love-foodie or self-pity-stricken-foodie. This foodie will either eat a lot or eat very less. The hormones mess-up the poor soul so bad that he loses track of time, forget trivial things like food! The out-of-love-foodie is especially a funny creature because he suddenly develops a craving for chocolates, ice creams and every other unhealthy and calorie-drowned food. And then there are Dieters. May God’s mercy be upon these souls. They don’t eat but all they think about is food so they actually are in-Lowe-with-food-foodies (see above) but have to act like rational-foodies (see above) and in this turmoil they lose their mental health and become unpredictable-foodies (see above).

I have more or less covered all the categories of foodies except one. The last one will be eat-all-you-can-tomorrow-is-judgments-day-foodie. This foodie eats and eats and eats. It has been ages from the time when he could see his feet, run around or do exercise. This person will not survive one day without food; that’s another fact that a bunch of man-eaters would survive for months on his flesh when he dies.

Neha Negi