Another Kind of Prostitution

Does size matter?

Of course it does. The smaller the better.

Much as I am embarrassed to admit, I must tell you that I have seen the best Ekta Kapoor serial, ever made! Here are a couple of scenes:

Scene 1: Maya Memsaab

Mayawati Naina Kumari,

In her white saree,

Ran down a deserted road,

From the CBI which again was in investigation-mode.

There stood Mr. Karat, in front of her,

Her knight in shining armour!

He took her in his arms and whispered sweet nothings:

“Maya, Oh Maya! So what if you don’t understand my economic and foreign policy,

For us a future I can still see,

Fulfill the dreams of the UNPA, won’t we?

Maya, oh Maya,

Hum pe bhi kardo thodi daya!”

Scene 2: Amar Akbar Antony

Amar got closer to Akbar Road

Closer to Antony and Sikh-pack Singh.

But then came Maya; yes, here too,

She said to Singh, I have your ministers, cock-a-doodle-do

Not willing to lose,

There stood Amar, in jockstraps, with a whip

What happened thereafter, I am too shy to quip.

Scene 3: Budhape mein Jawani – that’s L.K. Advani

We’re opposed to the deal! We’re opposed to the deal!

How can I let the UPA put on it, the seal?

We’ll get it back when we’re in power,

So what if the US isn’t ready to go that far.

Tell me, oh tell me: how can I let the UPA get the credit,

The nation’s interest, you ask? Oh, forget it!

And then, suddenly, in walked my mom, with a(n) (American) pie. “Oh my dear lord!”, she said. “What is becoming of my son? He’s so interested in Politics.”

I understand her issue with my interest in politics. Come on, think of it! Would anyone’s parents like their children to show interest in prostitution? Oh my god! Did I just say prostitution? Oh yes, I did!

After observing the political scenario in India over the past week, would you even dare to claim that the Indian politicians are different from prostitutes and pimps? The way they have bought and sold each other. And the way ministers have left one party to join another is hardly different from wife swapping.

The BJP is probably basking in the glory of the UPA-Left divorce. And they should. But who are they laughing at – the UPA or the Left? Tough choice, this! If you ask me, I am not laughing. My mouth’s open. (No, you perverts! The pornography is over).

I looked into a crystal ball, and guess what I saw. Karats – Brinda and Prakash, Sitaram Yechury and Mayawati sitting together for coffee. And guess what they addressed Maya as –


I am seriously appalled at the alacrity with which the Left has moved to live-in with the BSP. I wouldn’t be half as surprised if it were the BJP or the INC instead of the Left; at least they don’t make tall claims about ideologies! Does the Left know of Mayawati’s ideologies (if she has any, that is)? They cited her party as ‘caste-ist’ some time ago; I wonder what has happened now? Will Mayawati ever understand the Leftist policies? Will she ever know the meaning of ‘communism’? What language do the Karats and Maya talk?

Phew, these would require more crystal-gazing!

In this plethora of affairs, it is rather sad that Dr. Manmohan Singh – perhaps the most earnest, sincere PM India has had – literally suffered a character assassination. The mud slung on him is perhaps the most unfortunate incident of the past week. My heart actually does go out to the man. Never before has an Indian Prime Minister been willing to sacrifice the government for the sake of a deal and that could transform the way in which the country functions. But here we are, at a juncture where this deal seems doubtful, due to the vested interests of our politicians.

And I thought prostitution was illegal in India. But surprise surprise, it exists even on our planning and decision-making tables! No wonder our politician’s incomes aren’t accounted for.

Rohan Sandhu

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