Band Baja Divorce: The PM-Kamata Split


[The comments made in this satire are entirely fictitious]

Lost in the magical melodies of romantic songs, I laid in my bed listening to a FM radio station; when suddenly my ears rose to hear an unusual voice over the radio. The prime minister, Dr. Sanmohan Mingh was live on the radio, dedicating the song “Brown Rang” to Mrs. Kamata Mannerjee.

Madam ji, mai Brown Rang dedicate karna chahta hun Kamata Manerjee ko”, he told RJ Swati.

Surprisingly enough, the Prime Minister even volunteered to sing the first few lines of the song by himself.
“Kudiye ni tere brown rang ne, munde patt teni saare mere town de… mere town de, mere town de…mere town de ni mere town de. Yo Yo Kamata Manerjee YoYo Sanmohan Mingh”, he sang in a low voice filled with enthusiasm.

When RJ Swati asked Sanmohan if he was facing a tough time talking to Kamata, the PM got emotional and replied, “My party has always agreed to what she has said, but this time around we are forced to implement FDI in multi-brand retail. I want her to understand this, and that’s why I am buttering her. If possible I would also like to come on your “9 bajeki setting” show to have a one on one chat with Kamata ji.”

The prime minister’s move to woo Kamata Manerjee over the radio came as a surprise to the nation. “I tried calling Kamata, but her cell phone was switched off. She didn’t even reply to my text messages. After a lot of consideration and taking the honourable Mandhi family into confidence, I decided to dedicate a song to her”, the prime minister told a press gathering.

The Sanmohan episode on the 92.7 BIG FM was an instant hit, so much so that the cricket fans watching the T20 World Cup switched off their television sets and tuned into the radio.

“I was watching India vs. Afghanistan on TV when a friend called me to tune into 92.7 FM. I’m really amused by the PM’s singing skills. The next time my wife gets upset with me, I’ll call the PM and ask him to sing a song for her; after all he’s a public servant”, said Tanush from New Delhi.

Another resident of Delhi, Mr. Pardeep Sinha said, “I am amazed to see Sanmohan express himself so well. He’s a chuparustam. He’ll never talk in parliament, but when it comes to flirting, he’s a champ. Hah!! Amazing choice by the way.”

Infatuated by PM’s voice quality and throw, Pritom, the well-known music chor, said he would love to have Sanmohan sing the lead track of his upcoming album – Char Soo Bees (420). “Sanmohan’s voice will suit the track. He will also complement Toney Singh for that matter, who is making a guest appearance in the song”, he told MTV.

Meanwhile, the UPA ministry was very happy to see the public acknowledgement of Sanmohan Singh. “This is the first time that the prime minister is getting commended in the public. He is no longer an “Underachiever”, as quoted by a magazine.  On his success as a singer, we soon plan to launch a video album of ten songs. The album will feature Kigvijay Singh ji and Rakhi Sawant along with Sanmohanji. We hope that it becomes a big hit, for we require lots of motamaal for 2014 elections”, said Raoul Mandhi.

Reacting to Sanmohan’s song dedication to her, Kamata Manerjee said, “It was very sweet of Sanmohan to sing me a song, I am really flattered. At one moment, he gave me butterflies. But then I can’t give in on FDI, LPG and diesel reforms. Sorry Sanmohan, but it’s my majboori.”

The NDA on the other hand was bemused by Sanmohan’s growing popularity. They took a shot at the ruling alliance saying that the PM was “bunking” Lok Sabha to attend “late night settings” on radio shows. “PM’s behaviour is totally unacceptable. He can’t just be a womanizer and let down the parliament. We don’t have any confidence in his character now, and so we will be moving a No Confidence motion against the government”, said a member of a prominent party.

Meanwhile, the DMK, an ally of UPA-2, had language problems with the government. The party wasn’t happy over PM’s way of expressing himself. “For years the prime minister has remained silent, and now when he comes out to speak something, it’s in Punjabi.  Huh! How does he presume that we understand Punjabi? It’s a discrimination against us, and we are planning to file in our resignations from the cabinet”, said S. Barunadidi.

“I’m running a coalition, not a restaurant. I can’t keep everyone happy”, shot back the PM, who was last seen riding a “Hummer” along with the famous rap-star Yo Yo Toney Singh on the roads of “DusJanpath”.

Arjun Tuli

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