Because One Can Heal Broken Bones, Not The Spirit

TVP-07-AR-04

Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You should be glad that I love you. Have you looked at your sister’s marks, we definitely have wasted all our resources on you. Wearing a shorts, surely you want to give competition to the sluts on the road. Such a dark-skinned girl, even if we rub powder all over your face, you will always be ugly. Your existence is worthless. Slut. Incapable. Douche. Bitch. Unworthy. Not talented enough.  

These statements can be easily ignored in general, but the increasing intensity of these, can make one question their sanity and their self-identity. I am sure many of us, whether in relationship or not, have at one point or another borne the burn of such statements. Words, indeed, can inflict pain; pain that cannot be seen, but be felt as the deepest of our sentiments, making us question- are we worthy of the things we get? Is it due to the good nature of others that we are surviving till now, do we actually deserve this?

One can heal the broken bones, but not the spirit. Emotional abuse chips away the person’s feeling of self-worth and independence, forgoing the self and depending upon the other for appreciation, or to realize the self-worth. Such abuse doesn’t leave scars but scars the self-esteem of the inflicted. It might seem pushing the other person to achieve greater goals in life, but in hindsight, when indulging in nasty or depreciating comments of any kind, we are pushing the other person further into an abyss.

Many concerning relationships involve aspects of emotional abuse. The aim of emotional abuse is to chip away a person’s feelings of self-worth and independence. In an emotionally abusive relationship, a person may feel that there is no way out of the relationship or that without their partner they will have nothing. Emotional abuse can feel equally as destructive and damaging as physical abuse and can do a terrible amount of damage to a person’s mental health. It’s common for physically abusive relationships to also include aspects of emotional abuse as this is how power and control is maintained within the relationship.

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The signs for this abuse are not as visible as those of domestic violence. However, there are instance when the hurt of these words, do appear in the form of scars, as many a times, the victims tend to indulge in self-destructive behavior. Words hurt, and sometimes the scars are visible to prove it.

Possessing low confidence level, feeling scared persistently, worrying that the partner might leave because of their unworthy character, are some of the signs of the victims indulged in this emotional abusive and toxic relationship. The constant need for approval, while coping with the depreciating self-esteem, are the vague signs that sets the abused apart. It not just hurts them to hear depreciating things about themselves, it also impact on the workings and dealings of any interaction.

The only method of coping up from such an act would be to walk away and not rely upon the toxic relationship to derive the worth of the self. It’s important to find a very strong inner voice that demands one to love oneself despite the constancy of malicious comments.

The most insidious aspect of living with an angry or abusive partner is not the obvious—nervous reactions to shouting, name-calling, criticism or other demeaning behavior. It’s the adaptations you make to try to prevent those episodes.

You can either walk on eggshells to keep the peace, or a semblance of connection, or actually forgo the illusion of a relationship that doesn’t just breaks you but diminishes the existence.

Yugansha Malhotra

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The Viewspaper