You suck. Tremendously. You are worse than a pickled barnacle dipped in tortilla sauce. Even worse than a belching buffalo who wants to marry Marx. Much Worse. I can’t even begin to tell you how much you suck. I wish it mattered though!

To all the ‘Women across the world’,

I write to you with all my heart and in the poem below I express my desires.

All I want is love,

All I have is money.

I wish I could tell you this face to face. I want flowers and a string quartet in front of me as I say it. However, that doesn’t matter.

Babe, I’m tired o’ stalkin’ ya. Lets get together.

I love you!!! At first I hated you because I thought that you were mean, arrogant, obnoxious, sarcastic, supercilious, egoistic and pompous and I thought you hated animals. But that is not so. You ARE mean, arrogant, obnoxious, sarcastic, supercilious, egoistic and pompous, and for all this I could love you, but could not, because of your “hatred” for animals.

Dear Gloria,

When I came back, wounded from battle, you nursed me back to health. But I have a secret. While under your care, I fell in love with you. Now I wait eagerly for your touch everyday. Will you marry me, sister?

To all the ‘Women across the world’,

I write to you with all my heart and in the poem below I express my desires.

All I want is love,