Dearr Elroye,

I fell for thee becos you were bigger and stronge and handsome, and becos I thought you’d be good in bed. But when you undid thy robes, what I first mistooke for a penat [peanut] wase to be your, well, penise. I can nevere be happie with thee!!! Thus I bid you farewell. This is a breake-oop. Never showe thy face in my house again!! Begone, pinte-sized man!!

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