Have you ever killed someone?
Do you know what it feels like to be a murderer? To live every day with the guilt of having brutally killed something…strangulated it till it could no longer breathe?
I have….and though I keep consoling myself that there could have been no other way, the truth remains that I still am guilty.
On second thoughts, isn’t that what every murderer would do — go to a temple or church and confess that there was some reason behind his ruthless act…some excuse which he would come up with to make the gory murder he has committed seem like a helpless irony of fate which actually made him pick up that dagger and slash it till it was stained with innocent blood?
Self consolation–we all depend on it don’t we?
Somewhere down the line we have all been murderers…and it’s a fact that will continue as long as we live.
Do you remember the last time you murdered a friend?
Why are you gasping in horror…yes you!
Why so surprised?
Did you ever not avoid answering that ringing phone after reading the caller’s name just because you thought answering it would waste your precious time in useless banter?
I ask you — what happened to those promises you guys made on the last day of school, those small hearts drawn on scrap books with those tiny forget-me-not’s squeezed in them, those hugs exchanged while you crossed your hearts and promised that you would never lose touch no matter What came in between.
Today, where are you and where are they? The last you know of each other is through some public wall message on some social networking site where every answer to a ‘how are you?’ is obviously a ‘fine…and u?’…and somewhere we know that it’s never just that much.
The story never ends there…but probably the conversation almost always does.
Why, you ask? Because that my dear, is how a friendship gets killed!
Feeling like a murderer yet? No?
Then let me remind you of the relationship you never got about giving time to?
Yes. the same special someone whom you thought would understand…indifference crept in slowly but steadily as it spread its claws into the core of the one love you thought would last forever…until one fine day, you realised that you had cut off the blood supply to the very essence of the relationship…and all you are left behind is a carcass of empty dreams and faded memories…
Hurts? Yeah I know it does…
What about family bonds? Are they alive yet or have you managed to murder them too?
Are you giving enough time to your mother who spent her 24/7 to make you the person you are today…
The father who worked those extra hours just so that you could have the future you wanted to have…
The sister who yearns to speak to her brother at times but with a heavy heart, has learnt to accept that he is too busy to engage himself in those ridiculous fist fights you had with her…
Your brother who wants to share a million things with you but is wondering why he just can’t feel close enough…
Your grandparents who wish you could be small again so that they could pick you in their arms and bribe you with chocolates just to get a little of your attention.
Are you guilty yet?
Hmm…ok now that you are, let me remind you that this was not what the post was aimed at anyways…
We in our lives, have intentionally or unintentionally killed some relations which we shouldn’t have.
Unintentionally or not, we almost always invest in a lotta time on the ones we care about by slashing down the time we should be spending on the ones who care about us (yeah there is a difference between the former and the latter group — one which a lucky few would not understand)…even though we are sometimes fully aware that the former would be pretty oblivious of our absence/presence, we continue to realise yet ignore the fact that sometimes we are just not needed around.
Like they say “We make them cry who care for us. We care for them who never cry for us, We cry for them who never care for us”
…and then one fine day, we sit down and ponder on life realisations, introspections hit us slowly but surely.
Some mistakes we dispose off as experiences, some experiences as mistakes. Some mistakes leave us with lessons…while some manage to create a void which is impossible to fill…while some just leave us a changed person — and if truth be told, more often for the worse than for the better!
Lucky is the man who has had the will to learn from his mistakes and the opportunity to correct them.
Sometimes what we keep treasuring as ‘precious memories’ just mean you were foolish enough to lose what could have been yours in return for some snapshots of what had been.
If the present can still be made beautiful, why ignore it and delve into the past?
Let’s kill the ‘murderer’ in us for a change..
Let’s make time for people for whom we truly matter!!
A bohemian nature and a gypsy heart…a doctor by profession & a dreamer by choice…sometimes euphoric sometimes jaded…sometimes a well balanced person sometimes a crazy cookie…obsessive compulsive on some days, manic depressive on others. In short, a paradox trying to figure herself out in this confusion called ‘life’ while her mind meanders in her realm of unhinged thoughts, reflective fiction, retrospective ramblings & nostalgic moments.