Diseases You Can Catch On The Internet

Technology has taken a toll over our lives as we have been swept away by the wave called the internet. Whether it is shopping your favourite dress or Whatsapping your distant relative in America, internet has now become an inextricable part of our lives.

However, is this boon or a bane? With the internet, came an array of social networking websites. From catching up with friends and stealthily stalking girls and guys next door to spamming people’s newsfeed with promotional posts and reading news articles — everything now is effortlessly accessible on one website. Your life, so as to say is just a click away.

Since the world of internet has become nothing short of an addiction, we often pick up habits or mannerisms unconsciously. Before you know it, you too have become an internet buff, with your head slunk into a phone screen all day.

As a “celebration” to that fact, we look at the “diseases” you may contract on the internet. These are some of such unconscious disease I have found after some serious observation of the internet users:


Symptoms: Pretty-picturiosis is often found in teenagers. This is caught by teenagers, or for that matter, even elders when they have a strong urge to appear exceedingly beautiful, even perfect, on profile pictures; courtesy can be given to virus spread by the Photoshop. It is highly contagious, often giving rise to feelings of competition.


Symptoms: Inability to type in complete, grammatically correct sentences. Shortformiculosis is an internet disease that is caught by almost every person at least at some point in life. However, this is only a phase in most people’s lives; only some people never grow out of them.

Hyper Capital Panic Attack

Symptoms: Random capitalisation in sentences which make them look somewhat like: “ThIs IsNt wT YoU tHinK it Izz.” When one reads such sentences, one feels that the keyboard has had a seizure.

Extremely harsh to the eyes, hyper capital panic attack, is usually found as an accompaniment to shortformiculosis.

Exaggertia Flauntiosis

Symptoms: When a small achievement is portrayed as a victory in the world’s biggest conquest, one is said to have caught the exaggertia flauntiosis. Often found in parents and relatives who put up posts on social media websites boasting their kids’ achievements. This can also be common among teenagers with pictures of new cars and cell phones raging the internet.

EverythingAboutMyLifeNeedsToBeOnline Syndrome

Symptoms: Those suffering from this, post pictures of every second of their life on social media. From the “messy hair, I just woke up” selfie to “look at what I had for breakfast”, right up to “too tired, going to sleep”, you’ve been notified about their entire day, with a minute by minute commentary.

The sheer inability to do anything without expressing it on your Facebook, EverythingAboutMyLifeNeedsToBeOnline Syndrome is nothing short of a mania. Contagious enough to cause headaches and irritation in those who come in close contact with any such victim. No cure has been found so far; evil glares and snooty comments do not work.


Symptom: One is said to be suffering from senticulosis when they start treating their social media profiles like a personal diary. For instance, when one posts heartbroken statuses every time the person has an argument with his or her lover.

If every two days you see a person’s relationship status changes to “single” and a lengthy description of how mean their “ex” lover is, and a myriad of depressing quotes with sentences like “I did so much for you, you’ll never find someone like me” statuses follow, you know you’ve found a victim of senticulosis.

Well, now that we’ve got this, it’s time to step our games up and make sure that we don’t fall prey to any of these diseases. After all, prevention is better than cure!

Arushi Walecha

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