Dostana: A Failed Attempt

One line: Don’t bother watching.
After a “hard” night, two virile 30 something men wake up in a beautiful apartment in Miami and exchange pleasantries over cereal and orange juice.
They manage to get into the same cab and almost have a fight, but it turns out they are going to the same place. Turns out they both have been thrown out of their apartments and now need one desperately (What a coincidence!)


They go and meet this Sindhi aunty who wants to rent out an apartment but who will definitely not rent it out to two handsome and virile young men. She has a niece that she is taking care of… duniya kya sochegi? And all that… (This is THE United States of America after all!)


They suddenly hit upon a brilliant (?) idea… Why not pretend to be gay! Then the aunty shouldn’t have any issues renting the place to them…


Aunty happened to be quite right in having reservations of having men in the house, her niece contrary to our heroes’ expectations, turns out to be quite hot. But now they have committed to being gay and so they must play out the charade.The three get along with each other very well and become the best of friends. And inevitably both fall for the girl.


There is also the question of getting a green card, which turns out to be very easy if you are gay and in a relationship… so the two carry their game into the US immigration offices too.


The rest of the movie answers some important questions. Which of them will get the girl? Or, will the two guys really fall in love with each other and live happily ever after? And will they get the green card?


There is absolute inconsistency in how the two guys behave with each other when they are pretending to be gay. Sometimes they are effeminate, all gyrating hips and girly… other times they are very macho and gay in an extremely hunky way. They can’t seem to make up their minds. This back and forth in their behaviour was quite sickening and I am pretty sure no one consulted any gay while making this movie. Whatever authenticity could have been there was utterly obliterated.


And if they wanted to spoof being gay that too was lost, because for half of the movie they behave like two men completely in charge of themselves and in love with each other.


In the mix, there is also a very British Indian mother who needs to come to terms with her son’s gayness, a gay boss, another straight divorced boss with a kid from a previous marriage who can’t act at all and the Miami Beach.


The music is catchy but the lyrics are quite nonsensical. The dances are typical Hindi movie stuff, timed forced physical exercises with no grace, no style and no panache what so ever. Please simply fast forward.


So why should you watch the movie if you want to do that at all?


Well, you get to see John Abraham almost nude for most of the movie, and you get to see part of his bum right in the beginning. This may seem very interesting to girls who drool over John and maybe to the gays as well.


Abhishek Bachchan is a pretty good actor and the chemistry between the two guys (and the girl) is very good indeed. A much better story line, more research and a better informed, more enthusiastic director could have made this movie really rock.


Priyanka Chopra is very pretty and her innocence bubbles away throughout the movie making you smile, until she starts to dance and completely spoils it.


Very funny moments occur very few times; about four times according to my count so please watch very carefully otherwise you might miss them. Please do laugh.


So, unless you are in an airplane, and there is only the News about terrorist attacks on all the other channels and you simply can’t sleep and the only movie they are showing is this one, and you have options to fast forward all the music and dancing, and you are utterly bored and really, absolutely don’t even want to think, and you desperately need to get a sneak peek of John Abrahams bum, then watch this movie if you must.


You have been warned!


Khurshed Batliwala

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