Finally, Decrease in Pollution Levels!

pollution.jpgIn what comes as a pleasant surprise, a latest report has revealed that the pollution levels across the globe have come down significantly. Global citizens can finally hope to heave an un-asthmatic sigh of relief. Although the cause of this welcome change has not been revealed properly, it was hinted that the major cause was the US economic recession and the population growth.

Recently, in India itself, a lot of measures have been taken.

There has been a conscious effort of putting the entire onus onto the citizens, for it is they who make up the society. Therefore, the major cause of air pollution, smoking, has been banned. It is expected that this move will cut down pollution by almost 30 per cent.

Moreover, this move, and some more of a similar vein, is also expected to curtail the average citizen’s right to Freedom of Choice by almost half.

To combat the problem of water, citizens have been asked to use half the amount of water they normally use for bathing. Where so many liters of water will be saved, the water can be used for better purposes like becoming a resource for industry effluents. In what seems as an exemplary move, seven-hour load shedding by Discoms was given the green signal by the Government. This is expected to salvage the electricity shortage problem. Mr. Babukant Chintra, Chairman of the Interstate Movement for Electrical Waste Management said “Please do not consume electricity at night.”, It has been hinted that citizens can use generators at night, at their own expense of course. This will reduce the air pollution created during generation of electricity.

Moving towards land pollution, citizens have also been asked to generate as less garbage as possible. Hence, the government is trying to curb consumption of edible materials, so that less toxic material is released, hence less pollutants in the air. Some new laws in place include a fine of Rs. 20 for each time your dog poops on the road, a fine of Rs. 10 everytime your car is taken within 10 km of your house among other ingenious methods. A squad of young people will be instituted for the same. Students for No Pollution spokesperson, Mrs. NK Yerbouti, categorically stated that all of humanity will benefit from this measure. The Government is finding it impossible to create more landfills as the current landfills have been filled by toxic ship parts of the First World Countries and nuclear garbage.

It has also been revealed that increasing the number of International and Domestic flights has led to a significant decrease in air pollution. The airports are always so mismanaged, the queues always so long, the delays always so many, traveler harassment always so much that most people have totally stopped traveling.

This piece of utter nonsense was brought to you by Shravya Jain and Devika Menon.

Happy Fool’s Day.

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