From Reality, to Fiction: I am not Gay

Chandan, a very innocent and hardworking boy of Bihar stepped into IIT Roorkee after beating the daunting tough competition of JEE. He came with great aspiration of achieving something distinct. Along with him came very sophisticated city boys of highly educated families who had enjoyed all the comforts of their life. Initially, Chandan found it hard to adjust with them but as the first year ended he began talking with them, walking with them.

Then second year began with all new fresh energy for getting over the mistakes of first year. Many of Chandan’s city friends had found their girlfriends on the campus. Chandan being shy hadn’t but he couldn’t resist the feeling of teenage. So he decided to work on it also along with his academics. He began taking advice from his city-friends about how to approach, what to say, when to say, where to say and many more. City-friends suggested – just try it yourself, you will learn.

He tried it through online chatting, SMSs, long night tele-talks but hadn’t succeeded. As the time kept passing, he became more desperate. One day out of frustration he decided to go to lover’s point and to see what lovers do there?
He saw many of his college mates there hugging each other, kissing each other, etc. He was watching them like a looser feeling low about his self-esteem. Being depressed, he began wandering, reached to a remote & distant place and sat beside a river flowing there after holding his breath. Then there came a middle aged man, who was gay, sat beside him and began talking to him.

Chandan couldn’t control his emotions and told everything to that man. He came close to Chandan and hugged him. Then he offered Chandan something to eat. Then he soaked sweat from Chandan’s forehead and kissed it. Chandan being embarrassed and out of his mind kissed him back. Soon the man took control of the situation and began doing all kind of things. In the middle of love-making, Chandan realized what he is doing? He forcibly pushed the man away and ran as fast as possible to reach his room.

After two hours of aloofness, he came out of his room with a clear feeling of guilt on his face. He kept this guilt to himself for many days but one day he couldn’t fight with it and told to his city friends about the incident. Chandan was not gay but his city friends misunderstood him. Soon they distanced themselves from him, denied talking to him and eating with him. Chandan started feeling lonely and dejected. He failed in his exams too. He stopped talking to his family members too. He almost stopped doing any activity. And one day, hostel-mates found a dead body of him with a suicide note – “I am not gay”.

Now the question arises. Is being gay, when you really are or not, so shameful, that this highly educated society will reject you and force you to commit suicide? I strongly believe not so. Do you?

Sumit Goyal