From The Window of Cancer

I am preoccupied by number of questions. Things I never thought about, deeds I never cared about. How many breathes are left for me? Am I going to die the very next moment? I am suffering from blood cancer and the life seems too short for me.

“Mum, please don’t leave me”, I say. She has tears welling up in ­­­­ her eyes. “I am not going beta”, she says to me. She is deceiving herself. Life seems too slow then it was a few months ago. I am afraid of closing my eyes. I may not be able to see the sun next time.

Walls of this place are eating me. A long queue of relatives standing before me, is watching me inhale for the last time. A father knows he is going to loose his son very soon. A brother trying to hide his grieves in a fake smile. I am in pain, but I know soon I will be relieved.

My phone beeps and it’s my girlfriend. “You promised to be with me forever. Please don’t go away. I Love You”. An hour later she drops in to see me at the hospital.

“You haven’t slept last night?” I say to her.

“I did”, she says with that fake smile.

“Liar!”

“I know you are not going anywhere. How about going for a date tomorrow?” she blushes as she says. Half-hearted blush.

“Sorry. I am going far away from you” I say. This breaks her and she is down to tears.

“You are not going anywhere. We will be together”

“We were destined to be, but not anymore”.

“But I love you”, she says in a murmur.

“I love you too” I say with a smile in pain. She leaves as we run out of conversation. This might be the last time I am seeing her.

She visits me every day, and sleeps on that hard chair but doesn’t sleep until I am asleep. Her eyes tell me that she has not slept properly since weeks. Those beautiful eyes which used to make me mad, now tell a different story altogether. They scream aloud the pain she is suffering because of me. Who knows whether I will see tomorrow’s sun rise or not.

I don’t remember the last time I saw my mother smiling. She is in pain, I gave her that pain. My grief of parting will pain her throughout her life. I am the culprit of her tears and sleepless nights.

“Get up son, you have your new bike waiting for you”, my dad says. He is the best father in the world. This is all I can say. Life did not give me enough time to serve him back. I never saw him crying, or his voice trembling in fear, fear of losing his son.

“Please give the keys to my brother”, I request. He hugs me tight. He knows that not much time is left with me.

The pain is growing and it’s hurting me more. A fear of closing eyes strikes me again. But the pain is growing bigger and bitter. My eyes are closing and things around me are fading.

“Mum”

“Dad”

Bhaiya

DeeDee

“Malini”

I whisper all the names I can recall. Yes it’s the end. My pains shall decay and my soul shall be free. I can see blurred images of my family standing before me, panicking, crying.

“Doctor, do something” a faint voice of my dad. Things go black and I finally close my eyes forever.

Vaishnav Thakur