Have you wondered what does it feels like when you lose someone you know you could have saved? I finished reading “thirteen reasons why” by Jay Asher some time back and could not help but think about ‘death and suicide’ ever since. It’s a book about a high school teenage girl ‘Hannah Baker’ who after facing a constant series of bad encounters decides to give up. The more horrifying fact is that the people she believes responsible for her fate or connected somehow, receive a set of tapes weeks after her death. These tapes have been recorded by Hannah herself in which she, in her own voice gives reason and explain to each individual how they affected her life and her decision to escape from it. But this is not a book review. Two days back an acquaintance of mine hung herself from her bedroom fan, leaving her mother all alone and clueless as to why the only person she had left, after her husband’s demise, left her!
It triggered the ‘death and suicide’ circle of thoughts again and thus there was no other topic I could think of writing on. When we think about whether or not is it the right think to do? The obvious answer is no. Period. But consider what a person keeping ‘quitting’ as an option must be thinking. To such a person there seem no other option to his problem, he tries to seek help, but is afraid to let out too much. Definitely everyone is scared to even think about that what their life has come to, let alone giving it up. Theres a very thin line between the false bravery that acts as the spur of the moment and leads one to take the worst decision and the divine cowardliness that keeps in check with all the mixed emotions, inducing a fear yet strengthening the idea of
not giving up.
There generally is a point or more in everyone’s life when they decide that maybe ‘quitting’ is an option. Theres always the concept of ‘self respect’, facing oneself in the mirror and knowing that you are making the wrong decision, but for a person who has reached beyond the extents of even caring about what their loved ones will go through, self-respect and courage to face oneself are long extinct issues. But we still believe that no matter how much misery we are in when we think about the strings attached to our life, the lives linked to ours, and all those things that we wished to accomplish in this pity life, and with that we finally overcome that vain bravery that gave us the strength of thinking something like this in the first place. and seek refuge in the ‘fear’ of such a sinful concept. But c’mon – the fastest escape! Easiest way out! A free pass! A quick and permanent solution to all the misery and gloom you ever had!
It all sounds so tempting, doesn’t it? and that too for a person who has accepted defeat, who has willingly narrowed down all the reasons to live, right down to none. It might seem to him the most fascinating thing at the moment. I am not defending the people who choose this path, my motive here is just to point out why is it
so alluring to them. Is it their fault that they are ignoring the years of wisdom bestowed upon them of always sticking to the right path no matter how hard it becomes for them, and switching to the easier one? but no matter how much we blame them, curse them for their choice of actions, its just as equally our fault as it is theirs. Isn’t a part of the deal of caring about our loved ones includes a clause about actually knowing what they feel?
A person in the process of giving up entirely, always looks up for help. No one wants to make this choice and even after deciding on it, they make a last attempt to reassure if what they are doing is their last resort, or is there any other way out? if they could be helped? and its the lack of it which eventually leads them to the final step. They tend to seek attention and eventually help and if granted either of that, it may save them. We lead such busy lives managing our personal and professional lives that we tend to ignore those signs even in the people we might care about the most. So who are we to blame them for giving up? It was excruciatingly painful to read about the whole experience of Hannah Baker giving up in the book in her own words and realize the helpless feeling that you get when you know you could have prevented it. You could have helped her. There were all the signs and even a last cry for help which no one answered until it was
too late…. “I wanted people to trust me, despite anything they’d heard. And more than that, I wanted them to know me. Not the stuff they thought they knew about me. No, the real me. I wanted them to get past the rumors. To see beyond the relationships I once had, or maybe still had but that they didn’t agree with. “ “When you try rescuing someone and discover they can’t be reached, why would you ever throw that back in their face? “Everything…affects everything” “A flood of emotions rushes into me. Pain and anger. Sadness and pity. But most surprising of all, hope.”
Hannah Baker (Thirteen Reasons Why?)
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