Breaking up is excruciating, but pain demands to be felt. It is a daunting task to deracinate yourself, especially after you have sowed the seeds of commitment, resilience and patience. Severing ties with someone you have imagined sharing a life with is unquestionably trying. The process not only drains you of your energies and zest, but also makes you bitter. You are suddenly hit by a gigantic wave that has tossed you ashore. You are oblivious – to life, your life.
A friend was in shambles recently, after a brusque parting with her partner of two years. Watching her retire despairingly, tore my heart. Between nursing her wounded soul, falling down, picking herself and falling again, I sensed she was transitioning. She was becoming something she didn’t know she could and I did not complain. Instead, I observed her as she mustered her strength, soothed her soul, stitched her wounds and rose again. When you bury a relationship, you bury a part of yourself, the rest of you changes forever.
We humans were designed to coexist. To find ourselves a family, to love, foster and fly. That a person can live in isolation is a joke. And yet, the best of us have suffered heartaches, sorrow, rage and dejection. I remember the girl who woke up one day and saw her heart flurry away. It went and settled somewhere far away. She did not understand then, but knew she had to follow it. Was it any simpler then that she had to break the news to her significant other? To tell him he was not significant anymore, but was still adored? Is it easier being the snatcher than the snatched? No.
Whether you are at the receiving end or are the one inflicting the blow, disuniting with someone important hurts you too. It pains you to pain another. And it wounds you twofold when unceremoniously dumped. But “balance” is the law of nature and believe it or not, you eventually end up replacing your grief with something of worth.
The hearts that shattered.
You cannot break something that is already broken. But you can definitely rebuild it. You can reconstruct yourself after you have crushed your soul in entirety. So get down on the floor, lie foetal and let your eyes drown your sorrows. Cry and howl until you cannot anymore. There is only so much that can agonise us. Reprise your act the next day, and the next. It is alright to fumble and fall, to lose balance, choke on tears and take shallow breaths. You need to break yourself till it stings no more. Do not struggle to stay afloat, instead give in to your misery. Threaten it until you transform and transit. And believe me, you will.
There is something beautiful about broken human beings. They have witnessed the worst and have survived. Their souls have been touched with piety and they are unafraid individuals – stronger and smarter.
So do not let anybody convince you otherwise. The end of a relationship indicates beginning of another, and what you do in between is solely yours. Complete yourself before you balance someone else. Life is great.
All the best!