Looking for you again

It was a warm summer night; we were sitting on the beach surrounded by the silence of waves. Beads of sweat appeared on her neck, bathing in the distant light of a house. The moisture laden oceanic currents touched her lips and blew her long curly hair right into my face. She battled hard to keep her eyes open against the currents. The surreal complexities of her figure set against the background of the vast ocean beguiled me. She bit her lower lip for an infinitesimally long time as if to quench her parched lips.

She shuddered after a while and I knew she was back from her inner alternate universe that she builds around herself time and again. With one hand she curled up her hair and took a free fall on the holy ground. Without even a single glance at me, I knew she was inviting me to lie beside her.

Her eyes were closed, no more in conflict with anybody. She has surrendered to the omnipresent. Her body was more relaxed as if getting accustomed to the presence. Her body lay inert for a long time, the only indication of life being the shallow breaths that she took in between.

Poseidon was her only saviour. With the first touch of high tide, her body sprang to life; she lifted her chin and arched her back. The waves were taking her further away from me. I couldn’t let her go, not now, not ever. Time was not on my side. The full moon was in sync with the ocean and I have to put a brave front against the dual forces of nature. She knew it was a lost battle for me because the fate of the battle was decided even before it could begin. But I have paid for my loneliness for so long that I am not letting her go again. This story does not and will not end on her terms.

I turned my body in her direction; I looked at her from head to toe in order to find a weak spot. My eyes fell on her long elegant neck covered with sand. I went closer to her body and blew cold air down her strained neck.

She fell back, relaxed, eyes wide open, smiling. But deep down I knew the victory was ephemeral. No matter how hard I try, I can’t hold her back.

She looked into my eyes. She somehow knew what I was about to say. “I can’t be yours, not now, not ever. I am his not yours”, she said. I got up and without giving her a glance started walking towards the edge of the ocean.

She sat upright, her hands buried deep beneath the sand making her a prisoner of this world. She shouted, “What will you do now?”

I stopped in my tracks, turned my face sideward, hiding the lonely tear that has traversed the other end of my cheek and said,” I will be looking for you again!”

Bhanuj Saharan