My story

It was the summer of 69 when I turned 18, the age where I had attained the
freedom to do things on my own .For the first time I was traveling to the de-
stination that I always dreamt of, one of my many dreams was coming true .

I had faked to be delicate soft spoken and timid until now I thought that was
me sometimes it really takes a long time to know yourself…..deep within I was
craving for an adventure that would give reason to my existence. They say that
your life has the biggest interest for you so here I am going with my life unknown
of where it is taking me. I told god about my plans I m sure he must have mocked
me for it. The sun shone brightly and the  purple wisteria in front ofmy window
danced lazily to the tunes of slow passing breeze  the day had finally arrived I hesitated
and for a while I spoke to myself then I started  out with what life had planned for me,
a journey to a mystical place from where my ancestors came 100 of miles away.

It would take 2 nights and three days to reach KATHMANDUby bus .On my way I met
Maureen. She was a Canadian girl in her mid twenties who was insanely weird and
carried a huge hollow guitar. I suppose that was her prized possessions I could
completely connect with her we had two things in common our weirdness must have
matched and also we were traveling by the same bus.

It was cold and dark outside I was almost asleep when Maureen started fidgeting beside
me trying to find something. she was puffing a cigarette. She said it would keep the
lungs warm (was a fool to believe it did) I tried it, it not only keep my lungs warm
instead forced me to hallucinate. I saw myself standing in the middle of nowhere,
surrounded by multicolored flowers. Above me the sky was clear. Just as I raised
my hand to feel the wind I started to fly it [D1] was the best feeling I ever had.

We reached in the morning as unorganized as I am I was also clueless as to what to
do next so I followed Maureen….she took me to a placewhich she referred to as the
rainbow family the people here seemed happy as they had embraced peace, love
and a whole lot of tripping out ……………I I stayed with Maureen and her friends for
few days it made me feel like I was part of the family. It had become a ritual to
start our morning with trans music it purified my soul and cleared my mind of all
the worldly affairs I guessed it had the same effect on the others as well ……….most
of  the afternoon we prepared hash , rolled it in a paper  and smoked up .

There was a guy named luka he was from Nice , somewhere in France I suppose …he
became a great source of inspiration for me he was always high on marijuana but then
he preached beautifully about god and life…I thought I could listen to him all day long
we also sang to the tunes of Beatles and Elvis Presley Maureen would play her guitar
to the songs we sang though the cords went hay wire we still enjoyed it.

Almost half a year had passed and my addiction to drugs had become very intense it was
impossible for me not to do drugs it ran in my veins it made me feel alive I never wrote
letters or worried what was happening at home my addiction made me forget that
I had left behind my family .I had chosen my way of life I had made up my mind
of never returning back this was where I belonged this was my family now. I had dusty
hair we often roamed in the freak street the name was given by us as this street was
filled with notorious freaks like us there were cheap hotels and restaurants and marijuana
was easily available in any corner of this street …..after the 1st six month life became a
lot harder the money was over I did odd jobs here and there . My family now became
ripples in the stream of my memories I missed them sometimes though ………..

One day almost after a year I saw a familiar face though I was very high I recognized
that face in the crowd it made me cry it was my elder brother a part of me wanted to

go and hug him but there was a stronger force telling me not to go not to show myself
to him I quickly hid ……later that night I met Maureen she told me about a guy searching
for me   and that he carried my photograph as well I just broke down and told her the truth …

There was a tradition or I rather call it rules in the rainbow family that if any stranger whether
it be the original member of the family ask about the missing person the members of the
rainbow family would not open their mouth instead they were to avoid the situation by
telling that they didn’t know or they hadn’t seen.

It had been the same case for me. I saw him again after a week or so he looked tired and
frustrated I could see the dark circles around his eyes he had lost hope that he would ever
find me … I had a strong feeling that he would not give up until his questions would be
answered for that I had to come up with a plan …..Luka would help me as he could influence
people to believe in his stories he would tell my brother that I had fallen in love with a fellow
hippie and had been travelling abroad with him……I don no how far Luka could convince my
brother with the story I went into hiding later my friends told me they saw him for another
month searching for me …………………….

After I heard he was nowhere to be seen I started roaming freely in the freak street It was
very difficult now more dusty haired freaks starting pouring in and cocaine was frequently
used instead of marijuana by now I had become a hardcore addict … Life was not the same
again smoking was out injecting was in.

We started losing few of the family members due to overdose of drugs but that would not teach
us any lesson  A day came in my life where I sold myself for money as I needed my daily dose

After I spent all the money I became sober for few days I started working as a waitress in one
of the restaurants for money it was there I came across a magazine which one of the customers
had left I just opened to read though I was not sure I could but then I came across an article
which my mother had written hoping one day her daughter would come back home and she
would be waiting for her with her arms wide open ……all of a sudden I started sobbing uncontrollable
at that moment I wanted to go home…………

Suveksha Rai