Over the course of time

Over the course of our lives we form an idea of who we are. We give ourselves identities. Sometimes I wonder, whether that’s even possible, giving ourselves or others a definition. We do so many things to protect our identities.

We become ‘different’ or we try to. Taking the word unique so gravely, we get excited when some call us weird, relish the thought of being weird because weird is not definitive. Weird is different and different is unique.

We love when someone loves us for our weirdness and love it even more when some hate us for being so. We feel empowered because we are on their mind.

We think that being hated for our unique ways is wonderful and feel empowered because we are secure in our own identity.

But are we ever secure of our identity, are we ever okay with who we are completely? At times we take being weird to such an extent that whatever we do, the first thought in our heads is if people will see me as unique.

Infact we may become so insecure, so vigilant at all times that people stop perceiving us as everybody else. Won’t a secure identity be one where you don’t constantly think of being unique?

What is worse to deal with is, if your idea of what your identity is, shatters. It hurts us to think and admit that what we thought we were is infact, not true. This shouldn’t really surprise us. Our identity never really had a strong definition. It had to change. We had to change. As does everything in this world.

My gut tells me I should always follow it. Even if its not rational. The shame and guilt are much lesser when I follow it. If I just let go the definition I am trying to fit myself in and follow my first thought I might feel what it’s like to be free.

But can I let go? Can anyone?

Karman (Ms. chapatti)