Regret

  • SumoMe

A silent start to the journey of life begins when a child begins to stand up, walk and run on its own. We start alone, parents’ guide us for the first 10 years, friends shower their care for the next 10, a love that loves more than you do for the next 10, children’s love for the next 10 and once again in life we start walking alone!

As I started walking I noticed a clean road, crystal clear sign boards and every driver following the traffic rules. I wonder how would be this if I were walking on the platform of India rather over the London Bridge. I stood over the pavement of the heavy traffic bridge witnessing the calm river. Thames was flowing clear and silent.

Walking along with the memories of your missed ones has its own feel rather walking with your loved one. A lonely walk could always bring the unsaid memories up in our thought rising from the heart!

A mistake mistaken for a noble cause, a love loved for no reason – A flash of thought that threw me back to India.
The last day of my college life, everyone knew that those were the last few minutes together and exchanged one last gift to their best friends whom they never wanted to miss! Exchanging of slam books and autographs, wishing best for everyone for the future and it marked the end of something which everyone, both criticized and cherished, the most.

The final bell rang, and it was one last bell we would hear which we hated the most in our college life! She was standing firm with her soft hands curling over the steel fence expecting me to say those words which we both had in our mind in common. I stood silently looking at her eyes which was restless and looking for a word of relief. A love unsaid for the past four years. I had a card to give it to her but she had nothing except an open thought.

She started, “Bala, all the best for your future. You will get to a very high position in your life. Hope we will be in touch always. Anyways, best wishes for the rest of your career!”

I had a mixed feeling whether to say or to give the card straight away. I responded with a smile which gave her a dilemma state whether to walk away or to wait for the reply as I have never spoken alone to her earlier. She still had the firm grip over the steel fence as I stretched my hand forward with the card. She got that card, turned back wished me all well again and started walking in the corridor. I stood resilient at the same spot looking at her direction waiting for her to turn back at least once. She walked and faded away. I reached my hand to the same steel fence which held her hand one last time barring my first hold. She walked away with a heavy heart without opening the card, if she would have opened it, I would have been standing with her in the bridge not cherishing those days!

With the thought of my last day, a missed chance which changed my life, a tear drop rolled over the cheeks and hit the surface of the water creating ripples. Within seconds ripples vanished and river seemed undisturbed again!
Life moves on. With time, the ripples vanish but the path traversed by the tears over the cheek remains forever reminding of the Love – The First Love!

Balakumaran Lenin

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