Strange Jitter….

This fall has been special, its been unusually cold, I have been wearing pullovers as the mercury seems to take a nose dive. Besides this fall has brought with it a special revival of a feeling a thing which had somehow fazed from me.
This came to the fore when I questioned my brother’s relationship with his friend last night.

I did not even get my usual three hours of sleep that night, I woke up at Three hundred and thirty hours in the bitter cold and started retrospection of life. The people close to me know that Aakash Dhanuka is and always will be a man of his word but I felt that I had some-where or the other let down myself and her in this process.

We parted ways mutually and had promised each other that we shall stay happy, whom so ever we end up with. She kept her promise and is keeping the same with utmost allegiance and dignity, I on the other hand is the one who could not keep my word. I had promised that I shall be happy always no matter what, this wasn’t to be.

I could never give credit to any other woman except for my mother to have done something special for me and I despise myself for this. This is not the only reason that made me write this post on a sunday afternoon. I was puzzled last night, felt like shedding some tears and sulking on the shoulder of someone but that someone was married to someone else and was leading a happy life which I did not want to spoil. The actual thing is that I could never come to terms with the disintegration.

I could not sleep again until early morning at around half past five, I know the time since my brothers cellphone was kept on the side table which I checked. I woke-up at around nine in the morning confused, puzzled and wanting the answers to the questions that had come to the fore. Determined that I was to get the answers to my questions I walked down the memory lane and realized that I was actually holding on to something which had drifted away from me and that I was holding on to its footprints on the sands of time.

I did not give up though, and plan to undo all the wrongs I have or may have done with immediate effect, and for starters have added three new fishes to my pond and have named them with the starting letter of her name. Their names are ‘S’teffi, ‘S’ally and “S”uzaane the latter being the most special as it shares its name mostly closely with her.

The thing that was realized by me in the process was that the respect I have towards my girl (now someone else’s) should be conferred on others of the kind whether they are known to me or not. I immensely thank that person for sharing the incident on thy blog and my brother for making me read the same. I appreciate your bravery, exemplary courage and wit to stand out in the crowd of commoners just like a diamond in a coal mine.

Aakash Dhanuka