Suicide Note #10

Dear Sweetheart,

I’m writing these words after I drank that bottle of rat poison that you kept in the cupboard. I’m really sorry I slept with your brothers, and uncles, your fathers (yes I slept with all three!!! You only knew about two of them!!!) and your ex-wife (I am bisexual too, another thing you didn’t know about me). Its just that your tiny, ahem, equipment did NOT satisfy me and I had to go to other sources to satisfy my needs. Ah, well, but the guilt of cheating on you finally hit me when you found out, and thus I’m taking my life. But why is it not working? I should have died by now!!! Oh, SHIT!!!! I just realized!!! How can rat poison kill me? You’ve always called me a bitch!!! Jeez, anyway I’m leaving you, bye, there are far bigger and more enormous, er, things to experience!!!

Yours, Honey

Kartikeya Ramanathan