To Margie, With Love
Hope you enjoyed the breakfast I made. Didn’t give Rustom a bath, that mutt is filthy anyway. I’ve cleaned the utensils, the jars, smoked a cigarette, cleaned the drawers, your purse. I am going to commit suicide. No no, this time it isn’t a joke. Oh, and I lost your cat. Well, I didn’t really lose her; she kinda slipped away when I was smoking the ciggie with the mailman. Decent fella he is. He told me you were having an affair with him (had a hunch, I bribed him). We both agree, you should stop making those noises when you’re about to reach climax. Hmm… Perhaps, he’ll support you while I’m gone. No seriously, I am going to jump off the balcony of our building.
Now, don’t worry about the kids. Who am I kidding, you don’t worry about them anyway. I’m sure your mother would handle them. So where was I? Ah yes, suicide. Have it all planned. Going to be a bloody brilliant one! I am going to first… Ah, I’ll keep the suspense. You’ll find out though the media anyway. Amazing nosy little fellas they are–make you famous over night: “Husband commits suicide, wife crying over lost cat!”
You’re probably making coffee for yourself right now. Sorry I am not there to make it. Enjoyed the breakfast? Fabulous. So anyway, this is my final good-bye. Adieu! Oh, by the way, I kinda mixed arsenic in your food.
See you in hell, honey.