The Married Couples


Dard wala Love

According to married couples, the courtship period and the maternity period are the times when love is at its height. Both, the man and his wife, go out of way to keep each other happy and cheerful.

One smile from the partner is like a huge return on meager investments. But the real challenge comes after five-six years of marriage.

There comes a time in every married couple’s life when both the husband and the wife start feeling that they have had enough of each other. Small little mistakes which were ignored earlier are pointed out with quite disgust. Even the fights go unnoticed and undiscussed.

Taking it as the normal trajectory for both arrange marriage and love marriage, people seem to put relenting efforts to set this right, and in the race of earning money and bringing up children, they are not able to. The once so passionate love ends up as the need of two people (read bodies) just like a typical “Samita Patil/Meera Kumari” movie. Alas!

Marriage which I believe is the ultimate home of love is marred by the definition and perceptions of love. All the dreams that the man and the woman dreamt of before getting married seem to get buried under the routine life.

When a person decides to get married, he or she automatically agrees to forget and let go of their past.  Unfortunately no one tries to understand that things would have been same if they knew how to manage work and their relationship. It is not the unfound or undiscovered love but the responsibilities after marriage that leaves the couple so tired that they have no time for love. However, it is up to them to set things right.

When you talk to people who seem to have a problem in their married life, they give you so many reasons for not getting along with their spouse. While some people blame it on age gap, others say that their wavelengths don’t match. There are people who simply blame it on destiny.

Women in general like to solve fights by discussing matter while men leave it to time. The tragedy is that no one tries to accept their faults and give in. I personally think that all the couples, should read books  like “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”.

If you think that age gap is the problem, there are many living examples who have a big age gap between them, like Dilip Kumar-Saira Bano (22 years of age difference), Saif Ali Khan- Kareena Kapoor (10 years difference).

If you think that your spouse has ego problem, let me tell you about Siddharth Roy Kapoor (CEO of UTV Motion Pictures) who was glowing bright when his wife Vidya Balan (a big celebrity) was receiving the Colors Screen Awards. Sharing each other’s success and failures is quite important, which we often forget to do.

The couple needs to let go of each other’s mistakes and be more accepting of each other. Nobody is perfect in this world and relationships, especially marriage, is one such relation where accepting each other with their imperfections is the key. The husband and wife are supposed to complement each other. Marriage is such a beautiful institution that gives you the power to procreate. I feel bad when I see or hear couples fighting.

This reason behind all these problems is  the mind blocks about marriage. People often see marriage as an adjustment or a compromise or a sacrifice of their choices. The day we start thinking about it as sharing, caring and respecting each other, it will turn out to be the final destination of love.

Dear couples, go find time for yourself. We understand your dedication towards upbringing the children, giving time to the social life but you have a personal life too. Spend some time together. Take time out of your busy schedules and plan a holiday.

Do not hesitate to say “I love you” once in a while. Though gifts aren’t the perfect way to evaluate your love but it’s the perfect way of expressing it. And don’t restrict yourself by giving gifts on birthdays and anniversaries, but feel free to gift them whenever you wish. This gesture is a reflection of the fact  that you think about each other everyday.

Men, you need to be a little more talkative. Your wife shouldn’t be scared to call you in your office hours or talk to you about your future plans.  We understand your dedication towards work, protocol of being secretive but your all decisions are incomplete if not discussed with your wife, who in our vedas is known as ardhaangini  (betterhalf).

I agree that we do come from a conservative society but it is high time we shed our male chauvinist nature and respect women.

Women on the other hand need to nag less and adopt the “let go” attitude. But remember that a change in one person’s attitude will never let you find the missing love in your relationship. It has to be initiated from both the sides and it’s here that men tend to fail.

Sit together, talk to each other and hold each other’s hands, even if it has been twenty years since your marriage.

Talk about beautiful things from the past or the dreams that you have about the future.

I am not sure if couples are made in heaven or not but I am sure that the marriages can be turned into heaven. The mantra is support each other, “spice up your lives”, give time to each other and profess your love more often. It reminds me of one beautiful song from the movie Delhi 6 – “Rehna Tu hai jaisa tu…

I suggest all those couples who have forgotten that they love each other or think that they are too old to ignite the spark again, need to spend some good time together.

It’s never too late and one can always start afresh.

Wishing all the couples a very Happy Valentine’s Day.  Make each day feel and count like one.

Karanvir Gupta

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