The Metro Rule List for the Opposite Sex

Being a man is not easy. Working all day to determine your territorial supremacy in the outer world and later in bed requires all the strength one can muster.

But being a man is easier than being a Gentle-Man. I have realised this on my myriad journeys in Delhi metro where my credibility of being a gentleman is put to test at every metro station. Today reservation has become a part and parcel of our life. I have nothing against reserved seats and coach for ladies but what’s with the look?

“The Look” when a woman tries to awaken feelings of chivalry in a well seated man. We gave women reserved seats in general compartments and a full reserved coach, what more do they want?
The biggest dilemma for a gentleman is to give or not to give the most valuable and rightfully earned seat in Delhi metro. I do 9-10 hours of hard physical labour to feed my wife and four kids. Why do I have to part with my rightfully earned seat, to the make-up clad uptight middle aged woman who is on her way to a fancy mall in order to buy another piece of Hermes Birkin. If seat is the prerogative of every woman, God give me some boobs.

All my life I have been a smart mouth kid fighting for justice. Today my life is torn apart in a conflict with what I have been taught my whole life (give up your seat for ladies) and my own physical need for a resting place.

What sparked this debate was the incident that happened yesterday. Out of sheer respect for women, I gave up my seat in metro (unreserved general seat) and she took it without a thank you or a courteous smile as if this was her birth right. I let the incident pass but another episode pushed me off the cliff when a few stations down the line, the metro was boarded by a college going girl. She looked for the reserved ladies seat but found it occupied by two middle aged obese ladies. Geographically they had occupied space worth three seats. She stood by them. The middle aged lady sitting next to me gave me an antagonistic look (to make me comprehend the fact that a young woman is standing right before me). When it didn’t work, they started bickering about the sudden death of chivalry. To add glamour to my chagrin, the woman who was the bone of contention joined their conversation.

That was it! That was all the humiliation a well endowed man like me could take. As the night fell down, I secretly sneaked into my bat cave without waking up the wife and kids and prepared what I now call “The Metro Rule List for the Opposite Sex”

I swear by my life and my love for it, I will follow the list to my grave.

1. @14_year_old_girl: If she can carry the 5 kg school bag every day, she sure can stand in a metro for 20 min.
2. @fit_healthy: I weigh 63 kg. There is not that big a difference between me and you.
3. @above_80: A woman above 80 kg of weight deserves a seat; the only problem is everything comes with a price tag and not a weight tag.
4. @carrying_a_child: A woman carrying a child; be it in her arms or womb deserves a seat. But then again a man’s vision is no ultrasound. He has to work with caution and not mix fats with facts.
5. @beautiful_super_hot_woman deserves a seat. This way you get to stand next to her.
6. In case of more than one woman, a woman from SC, ST or OBC (non-creamy layer) quota should be given preference.
7. A woman above the age of 55 should be given a seat. The age can be relaxed by five years for women belonging to SC, ST or OBC (non-creamy layer) category.

Rest all should stand tall like a man after all in today’s world women stand shoulder to shoulder with men. They are men with boobs.

Bhanuj Saharan