With loads of free porn available over the internet, what came as a blow to the recession-hit porn industry were the comments of the honourable Union Minister for Human Resources. In a statement that rocked the headlines on prime time news shows, he said, “What kids see on the internet is mostly pornography and that is dangerous. As a matter of fact, our ministry is considering a blanket ban on internet porn. I would also be meeting the passport authority of India to discuss the cancellation of visas given to porn-stars.”
“I have always fancied going to India and working for Mr. Kamlesh Bhatt”, said a leading porn-star of Naughty America, who seemed to be awestruck by Bhatt’s latest production.
Although Mr. Bhatt wasn’t available for comments, his daughter Dooja Bhatt addressed a press conference saying that the Bhatt family was against the statements made by the HRD minister. “With our next film already under the line of production, we would incur huge loss if porn-stars are barred from coming to India. We will file a petition in the Supreme Court, if the proposed changes are implemented.”
Meanwhile, the teenagers in India were reported to be sad and emotional over the minister’s comments. They held a candle light protest at India Gate. “How could the HRD minister be so selfish? He grew up watching porn, and now when it’s our turn, he is proposing to ban the websites. This is complete misuse of power”, said Ravi, a 20-year-old from Delhi.
Srinath, a law student in Mumbai University, became the centre of media attraction when he reportedly tried to commit suicide after watching the minister’s speech on TV. “I have always been a law abiding citizen. I have been abstaining from watching porn, for I am not 18. But next month when I complete the official age to enter a sexually explicit website, it won’t be there”, he wrote in his suicide note.
Hearing the incident, the government quickly announced a birthday gift of twenty “Savita Bhabhi” comics for his 18th birthday; provided he survives the injuries.
Relaying the news of suicide and the minister’s comments, news channels, on the other hand, was also busy “decoding” the minister’s speech. “The comments indirectly meant that the opposition ministers caught watching porn in Karnataka assembly were still “children” who lacked the experience to run the nation,” read the host of a leading news channel, perhaps inciting a political warfare in the parliament.
The saffron party was stunned by the remarks, and came up with slogans mocking Raoul Gandhy. “With Raoul baba still an amateur politician, the government is calling us immature. Hah!! That’s funny”, said an opposition minister.
Also giving out his reactions to the story was the IIT Bombay student who was arrested by Maharashtra police for possessing sexually explicit content. “Is this some kind of reservation that only ministers can watch porn? This man-marji of the parliamentarians won’t work. I have the very right to watch porn and so I will”, he told the channel in a special interview.
Garnab Aswami, on the other hand, reported that his channel had exposed the porngate scam of the ruling party, “The 2014 Lok Sabha election war intensifies over the porngate. As per the information gathered by “your channel” it has been found that the senior UPA ministry is involved in a porn scam. The recent comments of the HRD minister come as a cover-up. This is an exclusive Time Now exposé.”
On that note, the Comptroller Auditor General of India (CAG), who is a big fan of Mr. Aswami, started adding numerous zeroes behind some single digit numbers to present a hi-fi figure for the news channel, perhaps making Mr. Aswami, what he very proudly claims, “factually correct”.
Worried over the CAG development, the cabinet pondered over presenting a bill to limit the number of zeroes that CAG can use. Also, they asked the honourable HRD minister to take back his comments, thereby trying to save the scam-blotted face of the government from receiving yet another cum-shot.