The Solitary Cause

I pursue a solitary cause,
sleep does not walk my road,
it has eluded me
like everything I once called my own.
My soul stands firm in that day,
scornfully staring at me
as it finds itself stuck in a fray.
But I feel nothing
for I am numb,
indifferent to your people’s tears
indifferent even to their mirth.
Ah, what a beautiful lie this be,
one, through which even you cannot see.
Oh Lord, for you I warred for so long.
To you thus I make this plea,
make me a crag
so I cannot see
the disdain this world holds for me.
Or tell the world, oh Lord,
I am your own
yet, in dreary nights,
I lay alone.
What are stars for me,
but a million hateful faces
piercing my soul,
nullifying my cause,
trying to obliterate me whole.
So, lost I stand in this maze,
looking for the portals of the heaven
I was once promised in your name.
Oh lord, your people have crippled me
or is it just my own deed?
Today I question you aghast,
where is the liberation
your prophets promised me once?
Will it even come to me?
As your son, I ask.
Why, oh Lord, are you silent today?
Why were you silent when I took to this path?
They say I do not deserve liberation,
perhaps I do not even deserve an explanation.
What a thoughtless wretch I have been all along,
lamenting the carnage of your people,
after I myself slaughtered them all.
I know, oh Lord,
what you have in store for your child.
My mind shall languish indefinitely,
My soul shall linger on.
I will lay without rest,
without peace,
my red eyes waiting
for that which will never be.
I will live the end you have written for me-
your loving son,
your faithful slave.
Sanya Dhingra
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