Wish she could

Her eyes filled with tears, tears of joy.

“Congratulations!!” she heard. She was thrilled, overwhelmed and nervous as well.

“But, you need to take care a lot this time, this is really precious”, said the doctor.

Yes, she had conceived after a long time, overcame a lot of perturbing situations, it surely was a precious pregnancy.

Her joy knew no bounds. She could feel her heart pumping louder than before. The heartbeats combined, though it was an initial stage, but the excitement levels never touch a low of a soon to be a mother.

Unlike her first pregnancy, she was not even advised a bed rest. She got more than she asked for. She could not stop herself from thanking God for the gift that he bestowed upon her.

She wanted to cry out loud, to tell the whole world, she has achieved something, which everyone assumed, is impossible.

She had big plans to break this news to her husband, but she decided to keep it simple.

“Let us go for a walk” she said to her husband, who returned from work early that evening.

He was tired, but could not help ignore that glow on his wife’s, otherwise dull face. Something attracted him, and he could not resist going for a stroll in the
plush Lodhi Gardens.

It was a lovely evening, with orange gleam all over the sky. The clouds added to that heavenly effect and the trees in the garden sparkled with the recent spell of showers.

Everything was perfect to discuss what she had in her mind.

“Honey, I am pregnant”, she said, sitting under a dense green tree.

Her face was glowing more, the effect doubled because of the nearby street lamp. The light fell directly on her face.

He was spellbound. He did not expect such pleasant news. A feeling of contentment ran through him.

He could not say anything. All he displayed was a big wide smile and he hugged her.

“You gave me another best gift, baby”, he said.

The evening became more intense and pleasurable than before.

This was indeed a miracle, and a life was growing inside her. Even after months, her levels of excitement never vanished. She welcomed every day with a new hope, a new development that she would experience.

She used to gaze at her ultrasound reports, and imagined how her baby would look like, lovely big eyes, a sharp nose, small but pretty fingers, was all that kept her happy and busy all day long.

She went to her job, chatted with her girl friends, told them about her plans, of how she would set up the baby’s room, how many toys she would bring or how would she manage with both her children.

She had numerous thoughts about the unborn, just like any mother to be, would have.

Days passed, and she told her baby, “You don’t know how amazing it would be to hold you in my hands, I can’t really wait to see you.”

She used to talk to her baby for hours, about the colours, the things, the world outside.

She believed in imparting knowledge at the earlieststage. It was probably the best way to keep her engrossed in her baby.

But life is not as beautiful and simple as it seems. Everything does not happen the way it is planned.

“But the baby is healthy, why do you want to do this?” asked the doctor.

She could not speak, she could barely cry.

If she could, she would have cried her heart out and tell the whole story.

She sat there, completely blank, in the doctor’s room for getting the abortion done.

It all started with her husband’s curiosity to know if it is a baby girl or a boy.

“Let’s go, get the sonography done.”

“But I don’t want to. I don’t want to spoil the adventure of knowing all in advance.”

“We are having it done, no matter what.” Her husband said.

She resisted, may be somewhere, she could sense something. She did all she could do, to avoid the sonography, but little she could do and here she was, with the gynecologist, waiting for her turn to get the abortion done, after her husband got to know, it was a girl.

“I don’t want to keep a girl, abort her.”

He was rigid. She could feel he will not change his mind, no matter whatever she tried.

Her dreams shattered. She could not imagine her husband turning into an evil soul, and has made his mind to kill the baby girl of 4 months.

She could feel the indifference he showed.

“How easily you faked everything, your concern, your love for our baby. You have lost all respect, you are not a human.” She said, crying.

She was breathing heavily, unable to cope up with the decision her husband made.

“It is risky for your wife. It has been 4 months now. Are you sure you want to do this?”

Even the doctor was perturbed. It was risky as hell.

When would people change their mind, and keep the girl child happily. When would they stop discriminating between the two sexes, thought the doctor. But there was nothing she could do. It was the couple’s personal matter, after all, as the man claimed.

“Yes, we will do, please make it fast.” The man said, without paying even a slightest attention to what his wife had to say.

She cried, she begged, she was gulping down her words, as if swallowing the guilt she had, that she could not let her girl see the world.

She could feel the baby crawling inside her, asking for help, to save her.

She could feel, how the unborn baby, spread her little hands, inside her, asking her to do something.

And moments later, she did not feel anything inside her.

Nidhi Jain